I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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