Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
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I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
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time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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