clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
