alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
