That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
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