We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
