at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
