Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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