I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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