Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
