butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
