I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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