my mouth tastes like poor choices
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
