My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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