you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
