2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
