I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
