I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
