So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My breasts were aching with rage.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
