I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
