even my farts smell like vagina
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
