I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
