I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
