I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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