I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
