I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize