Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
