I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
