What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Im part way to drunk.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
