even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
