I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
