pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
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the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
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I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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