whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
