This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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