pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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