How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
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