If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Randomize
