My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
