Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
