fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize