So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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