So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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