Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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