bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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