Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
