It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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