All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
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