if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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