so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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