I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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