I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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