he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
