Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
