loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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