We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
