I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
