did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
