There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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