The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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