It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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