I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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