it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
