I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
