is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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