yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
ttyl tear gas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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