Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
