I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
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Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
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Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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