Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
